The Five Biggest Mistakes Women Make With Men

A few weeks ago, I watched a TV program, which featured an interview with a renowned Psychologist who specializes in the relations between the sexes. When asked the question why so many highly accomplished women today, who seem to have it all, are having such difficulties with their romantic relationships, this expert gave this short and shocking answer: "The women are either too picky, or they are doing something wrong."



I am sure that the phone lines at that TV station lit up with irate female callers that morning. Upon reflecting on this provocative statement, however, I have to agree that there is a lot of truth in this brash assessment.



Every strong and successful woman I know rolls her eyes, when it is suggested that some of her actions might be causing some of the frustrations in her personal relationships. I am not saying that women are to blame for all the problems in relationships, or that how women act is "wrong" or "bad," or that men don't need to change and we do.



What I am saying is that many behaviors that women exhibit in their dating and relationship lives are the very behaviors that can be destructive with men.



As a Professional Matchmaker and Relationship Coach, I talk to hundreds of single men and women every year and what I have found are certain patterns that will keep women from having fulfilling and meaningful love lives.



1) Negative Beliefs About Men and Men Bashing

If you find yourself regularly in the midst of "anti-men" bashing campaigns with girlfriends, you may want to think about the signals you send to your subconscious mind (and the men around you). We tend to believe what we hear ourselves saying. If you're in the habit of putting down men or making derogatory jokes, it's time for a new hobby.



2) Not Receiving Graciously

In Eastern philosophy, yin and yang are the concepts of feminine and masculine energy. The essence of feminine behavior is receiving, which is demonstrated in "dating rituals" such as the man making dinner arrangements, holding the door open and considering the woman's comfort while courting her. These traditional gender roles are often being challenged by modern women and at Sterling Introductions upscale matchmaking service, we coach ladies to allow men to make them feel special and cared for. There is an art to receiving graciously. Letting a man put up your suitcase in the overhead bin in an airplane, for example, does not suggest that you can't lift the bag yourself. I often see women rejecting small giving acts like these. Perhaps they are trying to demonstrate their independence, but this type of response makes a woman seem ungracious. Practice receiving on a daily basis.



3) Falling in Love with a Man's Potential

Do you find yourself attracted to men who need "fixing" in particular areas of their lives? Do you believe that if you love him enough, he will change? If this pattern sounds familiar, you are falling in love with a man's potential, not with the man. Having a healthy relationship with a man means loving him for who he is now, and not loving him in hopes of who he could be. If you tell yourself that no one has ever loved him enough and that you will be the one to change him, it's time to get out! Find a man who will take responsibility for himself, so that you don't have to do the work "for him."



4) Treating Men like Children

Another common mistake I see as a Professional Matchmaker is misplaced "mothering" behavior with men. Acting overly helpful by doing things for men that they should be doing for themselves, taking charge of activities or correcting and directing men will eventually backfire. Men who are "mothered" will end up feeling incompetent and will end up resenting you. A man's self-worth comes from his sense of competence. And when a man feels that his woman treats him like a child, he is guaranteed to react negatively. This is probably one of the hardest lessons for women to learn. Don't act "helpful" and remind him of information he should remember. And don't ever give him directions, unless he asks!



5) Controlling Men

Perhaps the most tempting reason to try to control men is to get reassurance. "Do you think I'm beautiful?" "Does this relationship have a future?" "Do you still love me?" We all feel vulnerable at times, but asking for constant reassurance is a disguised effort to control. If you have a tendency to control men, make sure your life is filled with other activities, so your relationship does not define your self-worth. Work on healing your fears of loss and abandonment with a caring therapist or a support group, so that you are emotionally ready for a great relationship.